Day 3 ( Part 2 0f ?)

 It's 10:30am now, I feel much different at this time than the last two days, much more relaxed and less motivated to get up and physically do something (sore muscles from yesterday dont encourage me to start either). Mentally I feel very calm, my normal racing mind is at a perfect speed for my liking, it's the feeling I have always dreamed of but it is not natural as I know it is the Adderall that is creating it but I DON'T care. I envy those "normal people" who get to feel this way without the help of any medicine. I have tried meditation and relaxation techniques before and for a person with my level of mental illness it helps a little bit but does NOT come close to slowing my thoughts and having a sense of calmness. The only other way I have found to come close to how I feel right now would be with the aid of Klonopin or other sedative medicine and that is very unfortunate and depressing fact(and it makes me tired). I find it odd that if adding one more 5mg. pill of Adderall it would probably change this mood into wanting to get up and physically do something instead of sitting here blogging on my computer or just relaxing but with a very clear and attentive mindset. I am not obsessing, no negative thoughts, no worries about health or money problems, although these thoughts are in my mind they are not causing any anxiety. I am able to think of my troubles in a positive way, reassuring myself they are NOT big problems like I usually think and at same time thinking of ways to solve these minor everyday issues that "normal" people would not lose any sleep over. I use the word "normal" loosely, when I say normal I am describing someone who is calm, clear headed, alert and no anxiety in either body or mind or both without the aid of medication. I hope that clarifies my description of "normal". As I feel "normal" right now I am gonna push myself to make breakfast even though I am not hungry, I will also drink at least 2 or 3 glasses of water this morning and more as day goes on as I am not feeling thirsty either. I shall return.