Friday, June 28, 2013

6 Week Update

 It has been 6 weeks now on Adderall for my ADD treatment. Everything has been going fine but I did make some changes over the past 2 weeks. I found reducing my dosage to 2.5mgs. twice daily is perfect for me. I take half of 5mg. pill at 6:00am and the other half around 11:00am. I usually have a large coffee following my 6:00am dose before work. It turned out that 5mg. was just a tad too much for me at my new job because it is not physically demanding. I feel great all day long and my body must have gotten used to Adderall because I no longer have that uncomfortable feeling when it starts wearing off. I do notice around 5-6pm I am not as sharp thinking after this time. I did regain my thirst sense and have no problems staying hydrated as I do get thirsty throughout day. Hunger does not enter my mind though until afternoon so I make sure to eat some food during late morning or early afternoon for fuel my body requires. I do eat quite a bit in the evening but still am slowly losing weight, about 1lb. per week on average which is good for me. Acne is still a problem but not as bad as earlier in treatment. The new job along with Adderall has completely improved my life in every aspect. I think back to a few months ago and cannot believe how awful my life really was! So disorganized and confused, extreme anxiety and self-medicating with alcohol, tobacco and food. I have absolutely no desire for alcohol or other mind-altering drugs including anti-anxiety medicine prescribed by doctor. I cant bring on a panic attack no matter how hard I try now, and I intentionaly put myself into situations where I would guaranteed  have panic prior to Adderall. Overall in a nutshell this past month has been one of the best in decades, and I am not exaggerating. I can take days off from Adderall and have no negative feelings or behavoirs either. Highly recommend this drug for ADD/ADHD and am very happy I only need such a small dose to acheive what "I" was looking for from it. Good Luck


Saturday, June 15, 2013

1 Month Update

 Hi, thank you for returning. It has been a little over one month now since starting Adderall. I don't even know where to start because there has been so many positive experiences in my life since beginning treatment for my Adult ADD with a very low dosage of Adderall. I did change my dosage a bit over the last couple of weeks by lowering my 2nd dose to 2.5mgs. which I take around noon. This keeps me focused all day and  avoid that extra physical energy boost that is not needed as I tend to be less active as the day goes on at work. So basically I take one 5mg. Adderall when I wake and about 4-5 hours later I take half pill(2.5mg.), with 1 or 2 cups of coffee throughout the morning. I stay up later than I used to and sleep is fine, I actually have a sleep pattern now which is very rewarding for the next day.

   I will begin with my new job after being out of work for over 1 year. I entered a new field of work in the mental health community working with mentally challenged adults after 25 years in construction buisness. I had always wanted to help others that seem to be overlooked as "people" in the community which happens all over the world. Getting employment with no previous experience or training turned out to be a very difficult challenge, something the "old me" would have given up on after the first few denials for employment. Fortunately, my Dr.s' diagnosed my ADD and through talk therapy and proper medication I was able to stop self-medicating and regain self-confidence I had lost over the years giving me courage and motivation to reach my goals. It turns out I never really had any goals and I recommend if anybody reading feels that way to start your recovery by making some small acheivable goals soon. With my new found motivation and confidence I was able to focus on what I needed to do in hopes of getting the job I was searching for which began with creating a resume that is properly written, thank you Adderall for helping me retain my focus on that project and 'complete' it. I got noticed by a company or two but focused on the more fitting position for me and learned about their company before my interview. So I have knowledge of this company, high level of confidence along with clear mind and went through interview calm, cool and collected with my now usual, very low anxiety. Everything went great and was called for next interview which in turn led to being hired for a job I do not think I could have ever landed without being properly treated for Adult ADD.

 The job is going better than expected and I am enjoying waking up and going to work now, completely different than any other jobs I have had in the past. The new things I am learning are very interesting and I have very little difficulty staying focused on everything I have been doing. Instead of having to re-read questions until my ADD mind absorbs the information, I now can usually understand things the first time I read something very well. Obviously there are times that require more effort on my part but I feel that is normal for anybody and do not let my focus change into focusing on my focus, the last part of the previous sentence may ONLY be understood by a fellow ADD sufferer. Focusing on my focus, hmmm?, that makes so much sense to me now. Anyhow, with my job and family life going so well I am able to think of new activities to try and do not procrastinate nor think of negative aspects on what I am about to do. Usually I would get bad anticipatory anxiety which would be so bad it resulted in avoiding situations. Things that used to frighten me have become a thing of the past. I now enter situations with very little to no anxiety whatsoever. Trying new things are like an adventure, and this comes down to the simplest things most people take for granted such as going to a mall or introducing myself to new people.

 I will start the end of this blog by saying that since getting treated with low dosage of Adderall, I have become the person I had only imagined myself as being. I look in the mirror and see a whole new me only this "new me" looks like my old self but I have signs of aging now, lost my youthful look and have become more 'distinguished'. It sort of feels like I had been asleep for the past 25 years which is a bit uncomfortable when I allow myself to analyze that particular thought. Sure, I still have problems in my life just like everybody else but it's how I percieve them now that makes it all so different. Small problems remain small rather than letting myself over-think them into seeming like a end-of-the-world problem. With the ability to seperate the minor from major issues I am able to actually solve these smaller problems which leaves me much more time to deal with bigger issues in my life, both good and bad. I hope at least one person who has read this entire blog has improved thier life or at least thier outlook on the future. Change is not easy, whether its life altering or just being able to read an article in a newspaper without getting distracted, any change has some kind of effect and brings on some sort of emotion. These emotions can range from happiness and joy to sadness and despair, and the many emotions that fall in-between. In my life now, I tend to be at the happy side of the spectrum and rarely get lowered to sadness and despair mindset. This may sound like a miracle but I like to look at it as an acheivement because it did require alot of effort on my part with "help" from others sources including Adderall, therapy and AA meetings(for my self-medication issues).

  Thank you for reading, and if you would like to print this in whole or in part, you have my permission as I want my experiment to be a helpful tool in other peoples quest on becoming "COMFORTABLE" in life. Life is way too short to spend going in circles. Remember Albert Einstein's definition of insanity is "doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results"!!!!!!


Thursday, May 30, 2013

2 Week Update

Everything is going great! Same results day after day on two 5mg. pills twice daily. Sleep is excellent, anxiety is non-existent, no depression, no panic/anxiety attacks, mind does not really race anymore except a little bit in evenings before bed, days do not drag on by very slowly, self esteem and confidence levels getting much better, ability to step out of comfort zone without worry, able to stay focused for almost entire day, no anger or irritable moods, losing weight(which is a healthy aspect for me) and so much more positive changes since starting Adderall treatment for ADD.

 Ok, now the few negative things I must add to this blog. I will begin with my skin problem, ACNE!! Yup, I am getting acne now and from what I gathered online it is common but has many factors including touching face more often, drinking less frequently and lower quantities, not eating a well balanced diet due to no appetite, and some other theories of how amphetamines work in the body and the effects they have but they are very controversial so I will not pay much attention to them. From what I read one must take better care of skin using moisturizers and/or acne cream and avoid touching face as much as possible. My face is absolutely drier than before starting Adderall. Other negatives would include no appetite or thirst so its very important to remind self to drink lots of water and eat regularly, do not skip meals!!! When the Adderall wears off for me between 5-8pm I do notice loss of that clear focus and my mindset changes a bit but NOT even close to what it was before starting medicine. And when I do get hungry in the evening I can eat alot because I have not trained myself yet on eating healthy and frequently, dont expect it to come naturally or you will find yourself not eating a thing all day long. I will be buying water by the gallon now and refilling water bottles since I am drinking about 5-8 bottles a day because our tap water here is horrible to drink without filtering first and gallon jugs are only about one dollar around here(cheaper than personal size bottles!). Lastly, the only other drawback is price, I pay about 40 dollars for a month supply since my insurance is crappy but in my opinion well worth every penny! I will be looking for ways to buy at cheaper price such as Costco or Walmart but will NOT buy at one of those online pharmacies that advertise everywhere, thats just my personal opinion though.

 Overall this medicine is making me enjoy life again and be very productive. I also got that job I was going for and that will make life better in many ways from money issues to keeping active and having structure in my life. If it wasn't for this therapist that discovered my ADD which had been always diagnosed anxiety/depression I would never have gotten this opportunity to try Adderall for treatment. Initially I sought therapy to help me find reason why I was self medicating with alcohol which led to ADD discovery. I am disappointed in my other Dr.s' over the years that failed to recognize it but cannot blame them because they are not specialized in mental health. I was told by my general Dr. to seek help at psychiatrist last year but never pursued it because I was comfortable with just drinking away my unhappiness and anxiety but in reality was making my life and condition far worse. I suggest those who drink too much to get into some kind of program to get started on becoming sober, I used AA but in a non-traditional way as I did not do the 12 steps but used the meetings as therapy througout the fellowship which was of great help along with a therapist. Life is good right now, I now enjoy waking up and starting my day and can properly handle everyday problems without stressing/overreacting to the situations. I will periodically update this blog when I feel the time is right, until then I wish the best for anybody suffering from ADD and those who have it and are not diagnosed correctly yet.


Monday, May 27, 2013

Day 10 (Final Experiment Post)

Mission Accomplished!!!!!

I found MY correct dosage of Adderall Instant Release after many different doses and variables after just under 2 weeks. I am most comfortable taking 5mgs. upon awakening which for me is 7am. and a 2nd dose at 11am with 2-4 cups of regular coffee in the morning. This creates a nice energy level, clear focused mind, stops racing thoughts, eliminates anxiety(along with zoloft 100mgs.), highly motivated but can sit still and not be antsy, reduces overeating and appetite, eliminates cravings for alcohol, improved memory, better communicating skills, eliminate social anxiety, eliminates anticipatory anxiety, enjoy all tasks/chores being done, minimizes procrastination, able to step out of my comfort zone and so many more positive results that just go along with the above benefits.

Ok, now the drawbacks of taking this medicine. It does NOT work well when taken at an incorrect dose, do not feel thirsty so must stay aware of dehydration, lowers appetite so to keep blood sugar levels normal it is necessary to STOP AND EAT REGULARY, as the medicine wears off around 4pm you can definately notice less energy and motivation and appetite and thirst return sometimes leading me to binge eat in the evening. Thats about all the negative I can say while being on Adderall at the CORRECT dose.

If anybody plans on starting Adderall then this experiment may come in very handy for them. There was drastic differences when having too much or too little of this medicine for myself. Its important to read the whole blog which is not too long but I beleive very informative on finding my CORRECT dosage of Adderall 5mg. IR tablets. This medicine when used correctly can make life so much better that I find myself looking forward for the next day which is the complete opposite before starting Adderall. I hope this blog helps and Good Luck.

I will be blogging more so be sure to add me into your collection or favorites.


Friday, May 24, 2013

Day 8 (Part 2 of 2)

Well, the day was another success! Everything I had been wanting for many years now. Its now about 7pm and I still feel awake, alert and a comfortable level of energy, well its not energy but more of a relaxed feeling. Just what I imagine most people feel around this time of day, just sitting back watching some TV or sitting here on my computer blogging about how happy I am now that I found relief from anxiety with a racing mind that would never STFU! Hunger kicked in about an hour ago and beleive it or not I am thirsty at the moment, thirst has not been a feeling I have had since starting Adderall. I do remind myself often throughout the day to drink water or any fluid besides alcoholic drinks. I am down in weight from my lack of appetite and not eating out of boredom is a great bonus with this medicine. Over the years I would actually have 10,000 calorie days occasionally, that would include 2000 calories of beer and the rest just eating the tastiest yet most unhealthy foods for the remainder calories. I am still enjoying food just am not doing it all day long. Last night I had 5 or 6 slices of sausage topped pizza and 12 hot wings and a sandwich for lunch. For snacking during the day I have been eating carrot sticks or raw broccoli with light dill dip and it satisfies me since I am not really hungry but have to make sure to eat for health purposes. I also enjoy snacking on lightly salted mixed nuts or crackers. My usual snacks would be small meals to most peoples standards.

 I layed down around 6pm to rest but started feeling like I could fall asleep so I got up and revived naturally without any caffeine drinks and am a comfortable state in mind and body for this time of day, as stated above. I can't beleive how much I have gotten done over this past week, its more than I would accomplish in like 3 weeks! And I do everything at a easy pace but steady until I acheive what I feel is sufficient. I am not obsessing over tasks like I would normally do, if I want to stop I will but my mind wants me to finish most tasks unless its overwhelming. I now have self control over many things that took control of me, I am changing and all for the better. I am not impulsive as I was before Adderall and if something seems to be happening too fast I have the ability to slow down or stop without anxiety kicking in. You must remember I have an anxiety disorder which I take 100mgs.of Zoloft for along with panic disorder which I havent had in a while and am weaning off Klonopin at a slow pace with no adverse reactions.  Very slowly I am gonna build myself into a "normal" productive, calm and happy person on minimal medication. Staying on the lowest possible dose of adderall should keep any addiction problems away along with the knowledge of avoiding abuse or taking more Adderall than is necessary. From this experiment I quickly found out more than is needed makes for an uncomfortable day, I get no pleasure or euphoria as non-prescribed users who snort or take it just to get high acheive. For me its just a medicine that creates a mindset that most people have naturally but I am gifted and have ADD. LOL 

Time for me to eat dinner and then watch some TV shows that I enjoy and when I get too sleepy I will go to bed. Just reading what I just wrote sounds funny to me, just so "normal" and routine for most people yet so wonderful for me thats its getting close to where I will say "a dream come true"!!!!!!! Tomorrow will be done just as last couple days and hopefully with same amazing results. Now if I can get 1 comment that someone, anyone, is actually reading this would be great but even if nobody actually reads it I can someday look back at where I started and how horrible my life was.

Day 8 (Part 1 of 2)

I decided to stick with the dosage of two 5mgs. twice daily after careful thought. It is the most effective dose for me and I will stick with as long as it is effective and will change if necessary in the future. Who knows, it could be in a week from now but for today I am comfortable on this dosage. Its 1:30pm and the day has been very good with just the right amount of focus and energy. I do not feel charged and over-stimulated and/or compelled to get on a crazy cleaning or working spree today. I also do not feel like being a couch potato either, it's what I perceive as "normal". Again I am not thinking food or getting thirsty so I have to make sure I eat and drink plenty of fluids or dehydration will result again and I dont want to repeat last Saturday! Last night I slept OK, I did wake a few times but that may have been from going to bed too early from taking such a low dose yesterday. I will post later on my results of today as I do not feel like sitting here right now when I have a lot to get done today so I can relax over the weekend. I shall return.

And again I will remind any new visitors to read from Day 1 to fully understand this blog because there have been many changes over the past week. And if you have a question or comment please feel free to do so since I would love some feedback, thanks.

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Day 7

After such a great success over the past 2 days you would think I would do it again but the experiment is not over yet. My intent is to find the absolute lowest effective dosage for myself so I took half a 5mg,(2.5mg.) pill at 7am and then the other half(2.5mg.) at 10:30am. It worked, all the positive things I need and a lower energy level which is not a bad thing as my body cant take working so hard as I did yesterday. I still have energy and motivation but could probably take a nap right now at 2pm while yesterday I would say no way I could nap at this time because of higher energy level. One thing I noticed is it wore off quicker, around 1:30pm and I can tell its almost done working besides what has built up in my system because I dont feel anxious or foggy. Last night I did not go to bed until about 10pm and fell asleep pretty quickly and slept very well. It may be combination of staying up later and working all day, two things different from my ordinary days. Again today there was no appetite but I started to get hungry around 1pm and again thirst is not on my mind so I must remind myself to drink fluids. This dose may be just too low for my desired effect(tiredness,low motivation) so I may tinker tomorrow and try 5mg. at 7am and then 2.5mg(half pill) at around 11am and see if theres any noticable difference. I would just like a bit more energy and motivation than today but a little less than last couple days of two 5mg pills in one day. Although I felt good and would settle for this dose I am interested to see if taking a bit less would let me wind down earlier as I was going until about 9pm last night. Maybe its the laziness inside me that wants to cut back because I enjoy laying down and watching TV at night rather than sitting up and being awake at a time I am usually tired, like I said I think its just a bad habit I dont want break. I am still gonna try the plan I mentioned above tomorrow but I think I will probably end up going for the 5mg pill 2x's a day in the end, well until I need to increase in future as body gets tolerant of the drug.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Day 6

What a great productive anxiety-free day!!!! I started the same as yesterday taking 5mg. at 7am and second dose 11:30am and everything was just perfect. I had energy along with a clear focused mind guiding me through a full day of household chores and repairs, all finished and meticulously done. I made sure not to take on any big projects because whatever I started I wanted to be able to finish today. The house has not been this clean and fresh in years! Absolutely no anxiety at all and I enjoyed everything I did with a great sense of accomplishment. I did have to remind myself to drink and eat again as I dont feel hungry or thirsty while taking Adderall. Its now 8pm and I am still awake and feeling "normal" with no negative feelings or mood. I will do this again tomorrow and hopefully have 3 days in a row of success with right dosage of Adderall. If only I had been diagnosed years ago I probably would have never turned to alcohol and other substances to self medicate and possibly never developed anxiety and panic disorder. I can trace ADD back to my childhood now that I think of things and its kind of depressing to think how much better my life could have been but since I have a great family and a new found sense of hope I guess theres no use of thinking what could have been, I like what I have and if things were in fact different I may not have THIS family. I am just so happy and I will end on that note. Be back tomorrow.

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Day 5

Today I took 5mg. at 7am and 5mg. at 11am. It seemed to be the perfect dosage for me. I returned to finish the days blog and its 2am right now. I was very occupied all day long and when I finally settled down it was after 8pm and honestly had no desire to blog, eat and sleep were my main interests. During the day I had the feelings and effects that I was anticipating I would get from this dosage of  Adderall. Not overstimulated nor tired and unmotivated, a nice comfortable level of overall body and mind speed. The comedown was actually quite gradual and not uncomfortable or anxiety provoking as other days. I did keep myself hydrated but did not eat my 3 square meals as planned and just grabbed a bite or two here and there but far from a nutritious calorie day. Irritability did seep through around 7pm but was mild and I was not in an angry mood, impatient would be better description. One thing I notice when Adderall wears off is I tend to make many grammar mistakes on any writing I do, seems my backspace key is used as much as space bar. Also I need to force myself to stay focused later in the day and evening while doing everyday things such as cooking as I can tell I am more prone to an accident happening either from rushing or not focused or a combo of both. I am up at 2am but this has nothing to do with Adderall as I have been waking at 2 for many years now, well maybe a bit more awake than normal but will be able to go back to sleep soon.

 I am considering not taking any Adderall for the next few days unfortunately as I have a feeling I will be drug tested for that potential job as it looks I may get hired. I do not want to have to reveal that I am on adderall so feel it would be best to stop using it until after pre-employment drug test even though I know with the prescription there should be no problems but since the job involves transportation for clients it would be best to keep it to myself along with the ADD and Adderall doubters I seem to have noticed are a plenty. Of course this would mean back to my struggling days with very little getting done but also will give me opportunity to try to achieve some goals without Adderall now that I know I can actually accomplish things. Sure I am hoping I can somehow break my pattern but thats just the denial of my ADD acceptance again but I am pretty used to that by now. Off to bed.

Monday, May 20, 2013

Day 4 (UPDATE)

I was just overlooking my blog and my latest posting was not even correct! I am so confused right now I cant even get my days straight no matter how hard I try to think. I am not sure whats going on but confusion seems to be my biggest effect right now at 5pm.
I think I need to lay down for a little while and let the adderall wear off. I am not very happy with todays results.

Day 4 (Part 2 of 2)

Well, I made another discovery today, upping my dose to 15mgs. in a day is just too much for me. After taking the 5mg. pill around 10am I lost motivation after a couple of hours and by 2 or 3pm I was getting tired and slight anxiety. The earlier part of the day was good but seems after that 5mg. dose at 10 it was all downhill from there. Its now 5pm and I am confused on how I feel, tired yet awake and not very clear minded. I am also getting these negative feelings and thoughts which I have not experienced with the lower doses I have been taking. I guess I will try what seemed to work best from my experiment which was one 5mg. of Adderall I.R . pill 1st thing in morning and then 5mg. pill around 10am, the dosage I had done yesterday. I know I do not want to even try going higher than 10mgs. anymore. I shall return with more on my progress.

Day 4 (Part 1 of ?)

I had a very good sleep last night after retiring for the day about 11pm. I did not eat dinner until 8pm as the appetite suppresant effect was still going on up until about that time. I was feeling slighty hungry around 7pm but did not feel like eating yet if that makes any sense to you. It is a similar feeling like when you are full but you will only eat more if its something incredibly delicious. I could have taken it or left it so to speak, dinner that is. Today I woke at 7am and took 10mgs. of Adderall and started my day soon after. It took about 1 hour before I noticed any effect and had only 2 cups of coffee in that hour. I decided that since this is an experiment of finding the right dosage I would take one more 5mg. pill around 11am. I went for my interview for that job at 9:30am and was feeling the Adderal effect of wide awake and clear minded with no anxiety at all! Everything went perfect at interview but definately had the urge to talk more than I did but resisted temptation as not to seem too talkative or annoying. She was giving me the impression she wants to hire me so now we will patiently,LOL, wait for a good news call soon. I stopped home to take my second dose of adderal,5mg., and from there I needed to pick up items at 3 different stores which I did and actually was enjoying every part of it, from driving and listening to a music cd to walking into the stores with a new feeling of confidence. Seemed everybody else wanted to talk to me which was great because I wanted to talk but did not want to start blabbing to anybody who was near me and be that annoying guy I try to avoid myself. Sort of feel the second dose working, not a speedy feeling but more of a small notch up in energy level but without anxiety.

It is now 2 hours later and I still feel the same as I did most of morning but taking a break to eat sandwich and blog a bit of how things are going so far before something slips my mind, if thats even possible! LOL  I was not even hungry but am making sure I eat small breakfast and a lunch at regular times in hopes of creating some sort of structure in my unorganized life. I am also drinking plenty of water even though I dont feel all that thirsty to prevent an episode like I had on Day 2 from dehydration because I forgot to drink fluids for 2 days. I'm expecting to be more awake later in the day than I have been in very long time since this is the highest dose of Adderall(15mgs.) in one day. I have plenty of things that need to get done so keeping busy should not be a problem. Right now I do have a slight feeling of restlessness so my mind must be telling body to get off the computer and do something physical with the energy. If I had to stay seated I would be fine as its only a very slight feeling and I think I am just anxious to do something because everything I have been doing is enjoyable, even hard work! I shall return.

And I remind to start reading from Day1 to fully understand the meaning of this blog and feel free to comment or ask a question as I feel I am the only one reading this but I guess thats what blogging is all about.

Sunday, May 19, 2013

Day 3 (Part 3 of 3)

 Today was interesting, I was actually a bit tired on just one 5mg. Adderall which is quite different than when taking 2 doses of 5mg. of Adderall. I did have better focus and felt calmer than my normal but lacked motivation and energy to actually do anything physical. It was almost like not taking any ADD medication at all, possibly being 250lbs. the dose is just too small for my size. I am taking this medicine to improve my life but am very concerned about needing to take large amounts of this stuff to achieve what I am looking for, the last thing I need at this point is a substance to get addicted to again  in order to maintain wellness. Tomorrow I have a second interview with a company interested in me for hire and I think I will be taking 10 mgs. rather the single 5 mg. because of the dramatic difference it seems to make. And if I do get hired I will be blogging on whether or not the Adderal is gonna be a problem with the drug testing mandated by this employer.

 Around 3:30 pm I had to take a short sleep, maybe the combination of a rainy day and only 1 pill made for a good napping day but that is one of the reasons I have started adderall. So thats it for todays blog, I will be back in the morning starting another day so be sure to check back, it may be an interesting day tomorrow! lol

BTW, if this is your 1st visit to my blog you may want to scroll down and start reading from the beginning for it to make more sense of what and why I am blogging about.

Day 3 ( Part 2 0f ?)

 It's 10:30am now, I feel much different at this time than the last two days, much more relaxed and less motivated to get up and physically do something (sore muscles from yesterday dont encourage me to start either). Mentally I feel very calm, my normal racing mind is at a perfect speed for my liking, it's the feeling I have always dreamed of but it is not natural as I know it is the Adderall that is creating it but I DON'T care. I envy those "normal people" who get to feel this way without the help of any medicine. I have tried meditation and relaxation techniques before and for a person with my level of mental illness it helps a little bit but does NOT come close to slowing my thoughts and having a sense of calmness. The only other way I have found to come close to how I feel right now would be with the aid of Klonopin or other sedative medicine and that is very unfortunate and depressing fact(and it makes me tired). I find it odd that if adding one more 5mg. pill of Adderall it would probably change this mood into wanting to get up and physically do something instead of sitting here blogging on my computer or just relaxing but with a very clear and attentive mindset. I am not obsessing, no negative thoughts, no worries about health or money problems, although these thoughts are in my mind they are not causing any anxiety. I am able to think of my troubles in a positive way, reassuring myself they are NOT big problems like I usually think and at same time thinking of ways to solve these minor everyday issues that "normal" people would not lose any sleep over. I use the word "normal" loosely, when I say normal I am describing someone who is calm, clear headed, alert and no anxiety in either body or mind or both without the aid of medication. I hope that clarifies my description of "normal". As I feel "normal" right now I am gonna push myself to make breakfast even though I am not hungry, I will also drink at least 2 or 3 glasses of water this morning and more as day goes on as I am not feeling thirsty either. I shall return.

Day 3 (Part 1 of ?)

 Well, its day 3 and 8:30am and I slept great, well slept great after finally falling asleep around 11pm. I woke up at 7am and took my 5mg. pill of Adderall along with my 2 other high blood pressure medicines. If you read yesterdays blog you will remember I had an episode of very low blood pressure after working hard on my property, if you didnt read then scroll down to Day 1, this blog may make more sense then. I took blood pressure at 8am and the reading was 123/70 which is very good and very normal. My best guess was dehydration that caused that dizzy, fainting feeling yesterday. I thought about it and since starting Adderall I have not drank much fluids at all besides coffee in the morning. From my point of view the Adderall does NOT cause thirst and definately does NOT make you hungry! I feel very calm right now and very focused on my spelling and how I am going to write my sentences, normally it does not matter much but Adderall makes me more concious to be at my best no matter what I am doing, enhanced performance is part of the benefits I believe. Today my intentions are only one 5mg. of Adderall and 2-3 cups (K-cups) of regular coffee. This should keep me more mentally energetic rather than mental AND physical because too much physical energy and my out of shape body and clear mind do not work as a team yet! I do plan on being more active and starting exercise but after yesterday every muscle in my entire body are sore. Again I must point out my attention to typos, not saying there will be none but since I am relaxed I am thinking at a reasonable pace and correcting as I go along. Since today is Sunday and no plans are made I plan on doing 2 blogs today, maybe more but at least an am and a pm blog. I am normally a pretty lazy guy but Adderall changes that and when I finally find the right dose and right dose of caffeine intake I believe its gonna be a very positive step in my life improvement goal.

 As mentioned earlier I have not drank alcohol in over 3 months and gave up tobacco about 2 months but am not nicotine free as I use an electronic cigarette(E-cig) that contains a small amount of nicotine and made giving up real cigs no problem at all. I plan in the very near future of stopping the E-cigs but want to make it gradual as possible to avoid any temptation for a tobacco cigarette. I also started seeing a therapist about 3 months ago to find out why I have been self-medicating for so long with alcohol and tobacco. He observed ADD behaviors after the first few visits by my actions and throughout conversation. He had me take a couple different questionaires and my results are probably correct and results did come back with severe ADD/ADHD, even had my wife of 25 years do one with me so I was not fudging the quizzes. He then referred me to psychiatrist to begin ADD medicine to help ease my symptoms and I first tried Ritalin at 5mgs. twice daily and I did not make it past 3 days, it was way too stimulating and created very high anxiety level so I refused to keep taking it. Then he prescribed Strattera, a non-stimulant and after being on it for 16 days I had to stop because it made me so tired and no motivation at ALL. So this time we are going the low dose Adderall route, I must start very low as I do have panic attacks and high anxiety and take Zoloft 100mgs.and Klonopin 1-2mg at night and have been for about 10 years, yes I was drinking beer everyday and knew it was a risk and interfere with anxiety treatment but really did not give a chit because I was so numbed up from drinking so much that I really did not care about my health as most alcoholics live. Through AA meetings(did not work traditional steps though) and seeing therapist weekly I changed my way of thinking and no longer HAVE to drink to escape myself. This is where the Adderall is helping, having ADD for my whole life and not knowing it was probably the root cause of my anxiety/depression over the years which led to alcohol abuse. And yes I am very aware Adderall can be addictive and should be avoided in alcoholics but I feel I have complete control on my actions and honestly am a bit afraid of taking too much Adderall. Ok, I will talk more about that stuff every so often but for now I will stick to ADD and Adderall talk for the most part. There will be a part 2 to this days blog coming later tonight to go over how the day went on this smaller dose and less caffeine intake.

Saturday, May 18, 2013

Day 2

Well, today was a little different than yesterday. I woke at 6am and took a 5mg Adderall pill and went back to bed to just lay and watch the news before starting the day. I somehow drifted back to sleep for about an hour and woke up feeling refreshed and ready to start my day. I ran to Dunkin Donuts for an extra large coffee to jumpstart my body which I always do, not thinking I had already took a stimulant an hour before. Ok, coffee down and feeling very awake, maybe a bit too awake. I had the feeling of a caffeine overload which is pretty uncomfortable but not horrible.

 My plan was to do yardwork out behind the garage clearing brush and fixing the fence so the dog cannot escape anymore and roll around in the neighbors female dog fesces! So everything going good, lots of energy, clear mind, no anxiety once I got started and very focused on my work. Around 10am I decided to take my 2nd dose of 5mg. forgetting I was gonna try the day with just one dose to see how it would affect my progress. So I am back working harder than I have worked in years, just very focused on being very thorough with every part of the brush clearing and fence fixing. I was so focused I did not think to eat any food or drink anything, big mistake and I know better than that as I was sweating very much for hours. Come around 2pm I start feeling lightheaded but kept going for about 15 more minutes until my lightheadedness started to get worse and I started having a faint feeling coming over me. I started walking towards the house because I got scared I would faint and nobody would know. I made it to the house and kinda stumbled through the door shedding clothing as I headed for the shower to run cold water over my body thinking I was overheating. I made it upstairs and decided to use my home blood pressure testing machine because I thought maybe because I have lost weight and quit drinking and smoking 3 months ago that the medicines I take were not needed anymore, thats a thought I have been having a few weeks now. I take my bp and its 90/49!!! And my pulse is 110 beats per minute! That freaked me out so I hit the shower and ran ice cold water on my body to cool it down for about 10 minutes. I then layed down for a few and rechecked bp and this time it had gone up a bit to 100/60 and pulse 87 bpm. I was still feeling faint but felt a little better. After about half hour I rechecked after slugging 3 water bottles and eating handful of peanuts and it went up to 120/70 and pulse was around 70 bpm. I felt better finally but not great. After about another hour I felt well enough to drive so got my powerball tickets and came home.

Its now almost 7pm and I still have not eaten, I have no appetite whatsoever but will make something now because I know thats very unhealthy. So I am not sure how to rate today, the early part of the day was fine, I worked very hard and enjoyed it while being very interested in my job and progress was inspiring. I just got carried away and worked too hard, maybe it was the coffee and/or 2nd dose of Adderall. Tomorrow I will try taking only one 5mg of Adderal and have 1 medium size coffee and go from there. I am quite sure my body will be sore from today so I know I wont be overexerting myself physically. I think I will try some mind activities of some sort and make sure I get food in me but will pay attention to my appetite or lack of appetite. I only slept about 6 hours last night, went to bed late and woke up early which is a change for me. Tonight I will retire around 9 or 10pm and hopefully fall asleep by 11pm. I will start posting on my sleep patterns beginning tomorrow. Its been 10 hours since my last dose of Adderall and I still feel pretty focused, alert and not sleepy and as mentioned not very hungry either. I am pleased so far besides overexerting and not drinking enough fluids or eating causing the low blood pressure situation. Will post again tomorrow around same time.

Day 1 on Adderall 5mg.


Well, today at 7am I took my first dose of 5mgs. of Adderall. It took about half of an hour before I noticed my usual daily fog lifting and a sense of a clear mind breaking through. It was a slow transition and a long awaited feeling of what a normal mindset feels like. About an hour later I felt like doing something other than sitting in front of a monitor, I had this urge to get up and start an activity. I chose to go to the Department of Motor Vehicles, believe it or not, to get my packet for a special endorsement for my potential new job. I hopped into my car and began driving with this sense of being able to see EVERYTHING around me, no tunnel vision or nervous racing mind, a sense of calmness and serenity while driving safer than I have in a long time, ready for any sudden stupid manuever the cars around me were gonna make. I made it to the DMV,safe and sound, and speaking of sounds the song playing on the radio I was able to listen and comprehend the lyrics, thats very strange for me as I am usually so preoccupied with thinking I could hardly ever notice the radio even being on. Arrive to a line of frustrated people but not me, I stood there just checking out the different types of people and other things I never noticed before such as posters with driving tips and a TV with trivia game playing on it. I had my turn at the desk, was handed my packet and off I went. One of the things needed were fingerprints for a federal background check so I figured why not just go to our local police station and get it done, why procrastinate? LOL I am one of the biggest wait for the last minute people I know of and here I am getting a jumpstart on something that could wait to another time. So I get fingerprinted and went back home, again with this sense of clarity I have not had since I was a kid I beleive, maybe longer. LOL

 It was about 10am so I figured I would take my 2nd and final dose of Adderall for the day, probably did not need it but that is what I was instructed to do. As time went by I really did not feel anything different so tomorrow I will try with the single dose first thing in the morning. I guess the 2nd dose is to keep this clear headed feeling for a longer period of time. I kept myself busy for the next few hours at a pace that was comfortable yet I was actually making progress in everything I did which again is unusual for me. The anxiety level was minimal all day, my mind was clear and free of worry about the usual worries over minor things and one thing I noticed was I have not eaten anything all day and it was after 2pm. I made a hotdog and ate it and went outside and just walked around my large yard at all the work that needs to be done from neglecting for so long. I figured I would pickup my dogs poopoo which I never look forward to but this time was different, I grabbed a different shovel and used a hoe this time to pull the poo into the shovel, I was thinking, thinking of what can make this less undesireable and voila, I finished quicker than normal and did not hate doing it! Around 4pm I could feel the Adderall effect starting to wear off a bit, I was less motivated to start any projects or chores and sat down and read for a little while. After that little while I ended up at the computer staring at my monitor, my usual activity, then I knew for sure the medicine was gradually diminishing along with that great sense of clarity and wellbeing. It was time to start BBQ'n some ribs so I prepped the food and started the smoker. The anxiety I usually would have was there but far less than an ordinary Adderall-free day which was nice. Come around 6pm I kinda felt like myself again, not that its horrible but certainly would not be described as comfortable. So, no panic attacks, low anxiety, motivation to do chores and errands, a very clear and calm mind, sight and smell was unusually more vivid and still awake at 8pm when I would usually be getting ready to go lie in bed until I fell asleep. I am starting to get tired now but think I should stay up for another hour or so to avoid any insomnia issues I read about from going to bed to early after starting Adderall.

My 1st day on Adderall was fantastic experience, I felt alive and was happy to be alive rather than the feeling of hopelessness and anxiety ruining any good moments I could have had. I am looking forward to tomorrow with some thoughts on what I will do but in a non-obsessive way. I will be back tomorrow with news on how I did taking just one dose instead of two, I am expecting to slow down much earlier and if thats the case I will go back to taking two 5 mg. tablets before noon.